097 THE FIRST TRY

Then the day finally came, I was given clearance for weight bearing.  This gave me bathroom privileges and the chance to attempt walking.  I don’t know who was ore excited about it, me or the physio-therapists.  They had been trying for a couple of weeks to get permission to get me up.  It had started with instructions to start sitting more upright in bed and for longer periods of time.  I would crank the bed up as far as it would go, to get to an almost upright position, but not quite.

Prior to this everything was done either semi-reclined or flat on my back, including eating.  Now I was sitting in an upright position to eat, but I tired quickly.  The next step was to swing my legs over the side of the bed and eat my meals that way.  I could see out the window into the little walking park just outside.

Lying back, I could see out the window at the trees, but could not tell for sure what the weather was doing.  All the smoke in the air didn’t help.  I also didn’t know about the park until I could sit upright.  This was all to acclimatize my body to being upright after being prone for so many weeks.  I still had it in my head that as soon as I could put weight on my foot, I would be off walking and quickly regain my strength.

Finally, the day came, and I was pumped up, I was ready, this would be the first step as it were into going home.  I had Renee bring in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt for me.  Up until this point I had been stark naked under a single sheet.  I’m usually warm at the best of times, and my body doesn’t tolerate heat well.  Combine that with the fever I had been running and the summer heat, I was cooking all the time.  But I digress, I had my shorts and Dri-fit t-shirt on and I was ready to go.

I had been sitting up for about 90 minutes waiting for the physio team to arrived.  There were two of them and they brought me a walker.  I remember thinking that it was silly, why would I need a walker?  Well, apparently the physios had done this before and knew what was coming.  I didn’t, or at least had convinced myself that I wouldn’t be that guy.

They moved the walker in front of me, lowered my bed so my feet just touched the floor, and gave me a complex set of instructions for how to stand up.  Again, I was thinking, how silly, I know how to stand up, I’ve been doing it all my life.  But I followed the instructions and got set to push off.  I gabbed the handles of the walker and lifted myself off the bed.  Well, that’s not quite true, I needed the assistance of both physio-therapists to make the move because I was so incredibly weak.

Up, up and away!  I rocked back and forth and gave a heave and I was up.  First time since July 8 and this was now well into August.  Immediately, I knew things were not as they should be.  My legs were weak and barely able to hold me.  My arms were weak and could barely hold the walker.  Then my head started spinning.  I was so dizzy I could barely see, and then I started to puke.

They laid me back down on the bed and I promptly passed out.  I was out cold.  I have no idea how long I was out, but it couldn’t have been too long.  I had a cold towel over my face and a sense of crushing disappointment rolled over me.  They tried to reassure me that this was normal for someone who has been bed ridden for so long.

But, it was not how I had pre-visualized this going.  I was supposed to be up and walking, albeit with a walker.  Hear I was just figuring out just how weak I had become and the realization dawned on me that this was going to be a great deal tougher than I had thought.  I was up for the challenge for sure, and I was determined to get going, but I had to let the disappointment dissipate.  Especially since physio, shut down any further attempts for today.

Back to the drawing board as they say.  I spent an hour or two feeling sorry for myself and dealing with the failure.  Then I got determined.  I started sitting on the edge of the bed for hours at a time, getting my head used to being upright.  This was on a Friday and physio was off for the weekend, so there would not be another attempt until Monday.