116 TWO WEEKS A.T. (AFTER TOBY)

The evening we arrived home after Toby died, we immediately did our regular neighbourhood morning walk, but it was in the evening.  As I mentioned, there were lots of neighbours and other dog walkers who were sad to hear the news of Toby’s passing.  Nobody sadder than us of course.  We completed the walk and then went in the house to have dinner.  The house seems so empty without him.  Tears are never far from the surface.

Renee left Monday morning for work and home, and then the emptiness of the house without Toby hit me hard.  I walked out onto the deck to BBQ my dinner, took one look at Toby’s ramp and burst into tears.  I had a good cry and then made dinner.  I found myself saving bits of chicken for him, his favourite, when I realized I didn’t have to and ended up eating them.

All week I continued to do the morning and evening walks I did with Toby, but I began increasing my distance.  This was a tribute to him as well as important for my own health and recovery.  I had cancelled all my physio appointments for the week and ended up just staying home.  I just didn’t feel like going out much.

We originally were not going to claim Toby’s ashes but then changed our minds and we picked them up the following Saturday, exactly one week after Toby died.  In fact, we picked up the ashes at the same time in the afternoon.

Renee did not know it, but I had some custom made greeting cards made.  I ordered them from what I thought was a Canadian company, but it turns out the are based in Rhode Island in the States.  They will arrive by February 20^th.  I also ordered a framed 16x20 inch print of Toby.  This will hand at the top of the stairs leading outside.  Toby loved lying at the bottom of those stairs.  There is currently a painting I did of a previous family dog, named Scamp, but Toby will take that place and the painting will move to the side wall.

After we picked up Toby’s ashes we went to Costco, which I joined for the first time just to get the print made.  When we arrived, we didn’t want to leave the box of his ashes in the truck, for fear of some idiot breaking in.  So, we took him in with us.  When security stopped us, we had already gotten the print, they wanted to know what was in the box.  I told the truth, I said, “it’s our dog” and showed them the picture.  Seeing the look of confusion, I explained it was his ashes and why we were brining them in.  This seemed to satisfy them.

Our next adventure was to pack up all of Toby’s things.  His bed, canned food, bagged treats, medication and his two ramps and carpet runners.  We then drove out to Mission, BC to donate all this stuff to a shelter called SAINTS.  They provide end of life care to all types of animals and run completely on donations.  They were extremely happy to receive these donations, especially the meds which can be very pricey.  Another couple was there doing the same thing, having just lost their dog as well.

On the way to the place, I missed the turnoff and we ended up way the heck and gone in the middle of nowhere.  My OnStar was not working because the radio in my truck is defective and awaiting replacement.  Renee was getting more and more frustrated because she doesn’t like technology at the best of times

When Renee went into a gas station to get directions, I finally figured out how to use Google maps on my iPhone and get it to verbally read directions to me.  After a long, convoluted trip, involving many seemingly random turns, we arrived at the destination.  Ten minutes early in fact for the guided tour scheduled for 11:00 AM.

The following day we made a trip out to the Greater Vancouver Zoo.  Neither of us had been in many years, and I could never go and leave Toby in the truck.  So, it became an outing and a photographic safari.  I got some pretty good photos if I do say so myself.

I am making tentative plans to do some travelling and it looks like my first trip will be to Las Vegas.  I have a Facebook friend who lives there and is also an avid photographer.  As well as my cousin Beth owns a place in Vegas and she has invited me to come and visit several times.  While my plans remain tentative, Renee has already booked a trip to New Orleans with her friend.

115 A VERY QUICK GOODBYE

Truer words were never spoken as in the last line of my last article.  “Toby would not be with us much longer”.  He was given a diagnosis of lymphoma and less than a month to live.  I mistakenly thought we would get that month, but such was not to be the case.  Toby literally started slipping downhill the day of the diagnosis.

MY FAVOURITE PHOTO
HE LOOKS SO REGAL

 Now, I know that he had been slipping for a couple of weeks, starting when he refused to do the full morning walk and opting instead to do what was the regular evening walk.  Inside the complex and around the block and home.  Within a few days however, even that walk shortened up and he was obviously not feeling well, and that prompted the vet visit.

After that though it happened quickly.  By the next day, when we went out for the morning walk, Toby went only as far as the trail where he did his business.  He completely stopped eating, which made giving him his medication impossible.  We did put it in some very soft critical care food the vet gave us.  He did eat that but spit the pills out.  His throat was too swollen to take the tack of pushing the pills down there.

ANOTHER FAVOURITE
JUST PURE JOY IN THE SNOW

He did start to rally a little bit by Wednesday, when he ate a half of a small breast of chicken, dosed with his liquid medicine.  Getting some food into his belly seemed to brighten him up a bit, but by now he was having such difficulty walking, it was heartbreaking.  It was a sad week watching him slip away.  If he was in real pain, it didn’t seem to be showing, but he was stumbling and staggering.  He seemed confused and would bump into things.

Toby has never been a big fan of the rain.  He would go out for walks or when he was younger, for his runs in the park.  In a lot of cases though, if you opened the door and he saw the rain, he would literally turn around and go back to bed.  So, we would wait until the rain slowed down enough that he would go out, or he had to pee so bad that he could not hold it anymore.

TOBY LOOKS SO SERIOUS

The dog was like a camel.  He would sometimes take his last pee of the day at 5:00 PM and then hold it in until in some cases 10:00 the next morning.  It was amazing, really.  In any case this was a long prelude to Thursday night.  It was raining and raining hard.  At 7:30 PM Toby wanted to go outside.  He went out the sliding door and flopped down with his back towards the door.  There is a slight overhang and it was a little bit dry there.

As anyone who sleeps does, during the night he shifted position and was lying in the middle of the deck, in the middle of the pouring rain.  He didn’t care.  I finally convinced him to come inside at 9:30 PM and wrapped him in his towel.  He was finally mostly dry by 11:30 PM, but then he wanted to go back outside.  Again, he flopped down on the deck.  It was raining even harder and only 3 degrees Celsius.  It was just flat out a cold and miserable night.

He seemed comfortable, even if he was soaked.  His breathing which was so laboured inside seemed to ease.  He was breathing easily.  Long and slow deep breaths.  So, I made the decision to let him sleep.  Well he made the decision.  No amount of cajoling, petting or treats would convince him to come in.  So, I made the choice of leaving the patio door open and I snuggled under the quilt and fell asleep in my recliner.  He stayed outside the entire night.  First time in his life with us he had done that.  Although, when he was a puppy, that was his life.  His first owners left him chained up and outside.

MY 95 POUND LAP DOG

It seemed to help.  At 9:30 AM, I finally managed to get him inside and he quickly ate a half breast of chicken cut up into tiny pieces.  I again got him dry, but by 11:30 AM he was back outside lying in a puddle in the pouring rain.  He would not even acknowledge my voice or being touched.  This rain, which had now gone on for more than a month, with only the occasional break, was relentless.  It poured all day.  By this time, it was more than 24 hours since he had last peed.  Renee arrived at 5:30 Friday evening and when he heard her voice he raised his head and gave her lots of kisses on the cheek.  We knew by this point that it was all over for our big pal and made the extremely difficult decision to have him euthanized.

In the morning we phoned the vet and made an appointment for 2:30 PM.  We allowed an hour to be able to get him in the truck and get there.  I moved the truck to the visitor parking behind my place.  Toby had made it down the ramp and had a huge pee and then collapsed against the fence at 7:30 AM and remained there until it was time to leave.  He just couldn’t make it up the ramp again.

He very bravely managed to stagger over to the truck, with a lot of assistance from Renee.  He had to lie down and rest three times in that short distance.  He struggled to get up the ramp and into the truck and with the assistance of our neighbour, Tyler Clark, we got Toby into the back-seat area.  During the drive he even managed to get to his feet, so he could put his head between us and look out the window.  I wonder if he knew?

We got to the vet and Toby struggled down the ramp.  This was the first and last time we used the ramp for him to get out of the truck.  We were early and so we just sat in the truck petting Toby.  All to soon it was time.  We went inside.  Toby showed no reluctance, he was just having trouble walking.  He never hesitated to go into the any vet, or the groomers in his life.  Once inside things moved rapidly.  Renee and the vet assistance lifted Toby onto the table, on his favourite blanket that we brought with us.

The vet came in and shaved Toby’s front left leg.  He gave him an injection of sedative into his butt and Toby began to drift off.  The vet put an IV tube in his “arm” and asked us if he should give the injection.  We both said yes, and it was done.  Toby took four or five more breaths and then he was gone.  It was very calm, and very peaceful.  No gasping for breath, he just went to sleep.

When we got home, alone for the first time.  Renee and I did our regular morning walk, even though it was now 3:30 PM.  We called it, “The Toby Walk”, and it was a tribute to him.  It was strange doing it without him and we were stopped quite a few times by neighbours and other dog walkers who were used to seeing us and all asked where he was.  All were told the sad news.

Once home I posted, basically an obituary for Toby on my Facebook page and the second I hit the send button, the tributes and expressions of sympathy came pouring in.  It was extremely satisfying to know that so many people who had known him, were sad to see him go.  It was a fitting final chapter to his life.

Toby Gowdyk Born March 10, 2006.  Died February 3, 2018.