031 KITCHEN DISASTERS

First off let me preface this story by saying that I am a great cook.  No, really I am.  Just ask anyone who has eaten my cooking, I do a pretty darn good job and did so with extremely limited resources.  At the old house I had a two burner hot plate, an electric wok and a BBQ.  In the last couple of years, I added a portable oven for doing turkey or roast beef.  So just imagine what I could do with this gorgeously big gas stove and all the new-fangled items.

Other than bacon and eggs earlier in the week, I had not really used the stove.  Tonight was going to be the penultimate test of the stove and my abilities.  The menu for tonight was T-Bone steak, baked potato, green peas and my special rum and butter mushrooms.  The BBQ is not connected to the gas line yet, so after reviewing a Gordon Ramsey recipe for cooking steak on the stove top, I decided to give it a shot.  Tonight was Renee’s return and so I wanted to cook a nice meal.

I fired up the cast iron stove top griddle and followed his instructions precisely.  Okay, I flat out forgot to turn on the range hood. The mushrooms were cooking merrily away, the potatoes were in the oven Within seconds of the meat hitting the hot griddle, the downstairs smoke detector tripped.  At that point I turned the range hood on high.  I could not see any smoke in the air, or coming off the griddle.  The smoke detector quickly stopped and I thought all was going to be ok.

Was I ever wrong!  Moments later, the downstairs smoke detector tripped again, only this time it was not shutting off.  To make matters worse a minute later the upstairs smoke detector tripped, just to add to the confusion and frustration.  Renee is mad at me because of the noise and that it was bothering Toby.  I’m in a state of confusion because I don’t know why the detectors are going.

On the bright side, at least I know the smoke detectors work.  On the even brighter side, at least the sprinklers didn’t go off, which would have been a total disaster.  I don’t really think that could have happened as I am pretty sure they need high heat, like from a fire to go off.  I did take time to open every window on the main floor.

Renee did her part though, expressing her disgust and frustration, although I could not hear her because of the alarms ringing, she gathered up Toby and went outside.  Not knowing what else I could possibly do, and because I know there is no danger, I kept cooking because I didn’t want to ruin the meal.

Before long, the meat was done and so were the mushrooms and potatoes and I was able to shut off all burners except the water boiling for the peas.  Soon enough, they were done and I guess because the stove was now off, the smoke detectors too shut off.  At that point Renee and Toby came back in.

She told me what happened outside, apparently this incident drew a small crowd.  Our security guard, one of the construction workers and Jennifer from the sales center.  They could hear the alarms going and saw the smoke billowing out from the range hood, which apparently really was doing its job.  They were wondering if I had sparked a fire and if I was ok inside.  Renee had to explain that I was cooking and set off the alarms.  I guess I am going to have a rep in the new neighbourhood as the guy who tested the smoke alarms with his cooking.

Obviously I am going to have to figure out my equipment and also figure out if there is a way to lower the sensitivity of the smoke detectors a bit.  The other thing I absolutely must remember to do is to turn on the range hood before I start cooking.  I’m also not going to be doing anymore stove top meat grilling and will leave that for when I get the BBQ hooked up to the gas line.

There is a happy ending to this tale of woe, the dinner was great.  The meat was perfectly done, although I probably should have seasoned it ahead of time.  The mushrooms turned out great as always and there’s not much of a way to screw up boiled green peas or a baked potato.  Renee still wasn’t too happy about it as we sat at the new table and missed the 6:00 PM news.  Oh well, at least I wasn’t the featured story for burning down the building or anything.